in step with the Spirit
This summer has afforded me the privilege of being part of a group that is digging deeply into what it truly means to “walk by the Spirit,” “live by the Spirit,” and “keep in step with the Spirit,” as Paul instructs in Galatians 5. I could probably compose fifty posts about all that we have explored, the convictions the Lord has brought to the surface, and the beauty we have discovered during the times in life when we have walked most closely with the Holy Spirit, but one particular season in my life keeps coming to mind, and I think that by the end of this entry, you’ll see why I was compelled to share such a personal account with you.
But first, allow me to take us back two thousand years, to a time when Jesus’ followers lived in trembling fear, as they had just witnessed their beloved friend, the man they believed was going to overcome the corrupt government and lead Israel into everlasting victory, instead strung upon a Roman cross, unforgivingly secured with metal nails pounded through flesh and bone, to suffer a criminal’s death. Huddled together, hiding in Jerusalem, not knowing what the future held, a report came in that Jesus was alive. In the midst of the ensuing excitement, doubt, disbelief and wonder, Jesus himself appeared among them.
The account in Luke 24 is fascinating, and I encourage you to stop reading this right now so you can experience it for yourselves. At the end of the chapter, Jesus says, “You are witnesses of these things. And behold, I am sending the promise of my Father upon you. But stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high.”
The day of which Jesus speaks, when “power from on high” would come upon them, is recorded in Acts 2. Again, you absolutely must read this for yourself! Peter, who just weeks before had denied Jesus three times, delivers a Spirit-empowered sermon to curious and disbelieving people who have just seen the miraculous change that has taken place in Jesus’ disciples. Check out vv. 36-39 with me.
“…‘Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.’ Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, ‘Brothers, what shall we do?’ And Peter said to them, ‘Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.’”
Fast forward to the year 2000. We had all survived Y2K, I was living my best life of pseudo-independence as a college student at the turn of the millennium. Adulting was fun, but I certainly existed in a state of self-deception, assuming myself to be a much better person than I actually was. It was into a prideful and arrogant heart that the Holy Spirit entered and drew me to Himself, and in His grace and mercy He began a tireless work of transformation in my soul.
I soon answered the instruction Peter gave to his audience two thousand years prior. I repented and was baptized. Though I had been baptized as an infant into the religious affiliation of my family, God gently prompted me to be baptized by total immersion, following the examples set in Scripture. This would be my personal public testimony. The baptism itself did not save me, but it was an act of obedience that displayed God’s beautiful work in my heart as well as my active choice to follow Christ.
I cringe when I think of how much work God had cut out for Himself in those early years that I believed the full truth about Jesus! I was convicted on many different fronts to change the way I was living. The Holy Spirit did not challenge me about every little sin in one fell swoop, but those first five years were certainly full of the most dramatic changes, and in the Lord’s kindness, He gradually revealed to me each area in life that needed to be handed over to Him.
Perhaps the most transformative call He has ever placed on my life came toward the end of that season. I needed His slow work over the preceding five years to prepare me for the next step He had in mind. As Prov. 16:9 says, “The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord established his steps.” I have certainly found this to be true!
I was nearing the end of medical school at the time, four years into marriage and set to be a leading physician in whatever specialty I chose. I was a scholarship recipient and was graduating at the top of my class with election to Alpha Omega Alpha, the national medical honor society. I served in student government as a Senator, Vice President and finally President, which granted me the opportunity to deliver the graduation speech to an audience of a couple thousand—family and friends who had come to celebrate the tremendous accomplishments of their loved ones.
Do you notice something wrong about that last paragraph?
Hint: it’s full of “I,” “my,” and “me.” This realization is what the Lord so kindly used to wreck, reorder, and beautify my world. Up until that point, my life had been primarily focused on me. I had convinced myself that I was a loving, devoted and sacrificial wife, that I loved others well in the context of a community group from church, and that I was a good person for volunteering so much of my time in the service of others. I did embody these attributes, but something was off, something was missing. I had been tucking God in around the edges of my life, conveniently finding places where He could fit into my plans. The realization dawned upon me that I had it all backwards. He is the one tucking me into His plan, not vice versa! Who was truly Lord of my life—God or me?
He was certainly shaping me, showing me each day in increasing measure what it looked like to follow Christ, and in that final year of my medical school career, He showed me a new plan that was light-years away from my own thoughts on the matter. To be clear, He only showed me the first step, and I was dumbfounded. In the midst of jet-setting to residency interviews with Brian and completing my fourth-year rotations, God began to impress upon my heart that I needed to take a break.
WHAT?! Take a break?
After years of devotedly following the call to care for the heath of others, a call I believed (and still do believe) came from Him, He was asking me to simply press the pause button. I had not stopped for a break in twenty years. From the time I started kindergarten until that year, education and ambition fueled my soul and I had not once halted my studies. Nonetheless, Brian and I both sensed the Lord asking us to make changes. We agonized in prayer, we confided in only a few people, who spent time giving us wise counsel, and we even tried to bargain a bit with God!
Ultimately, He called us to choose a path that did not make any sense in the moment—financially, professionally, or personally—but we obeyed. As a friend recently reminded me, God’s word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path, as Psalm 119 describes, and that is not a picture of the sun illuminating everything on the horizon, but rather a simple beam brightening up a small area just ahead. Think of a flashlight on a forest trail at night. The Holy Spirit gives us what we need moment by moment, day by day, not necessarily the detailed knowledge of God’s grand will for the entirety of our lives.
This was my first lesson about keeping in step with the Spirit. I took a break. It turned out to be an indefinite break. I do not regret any moment of my education—not an ounce was wasted—and I definitely do not regret following the Spirit’s prompting. Two decades later, I can see much fruit. My planned path had been a great one, but the actual journey God orchestrated has proven to be far richer. My heart had composed a song for my life, but God rewrote many of the verses, all to His glory and my good! I trust that He will continue to do so.