soul cleaning

Oh, the junk drawer. I have a love-hate relationship with mine. It provides a place for me to store otherwise wandering objects, but it also becomes home to the forgotten. That drawer is just as likely to contain a generous gift card, a flirtatious note from my husband, a favorite lip gloss or a new recipe, as it is to become the catchall of paperclips, hair ties, miscellaneous keys and Valu-Pak coupons. The safe container of the junk drawer can swiftly become a hoarder’s heaven, and I can lose sight of things that are important to me.

As a mom-turned-Uber driver of overscheduled offspring, I often find myself in my car waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Tidying and rummaging. The console has become the vehicular version of the proverbial junk drawer. Its depth seems to have no end, and I’m afraid something might nibble my fingers if I dig around too deeply. The console swallows items I do not want to throw away but also don’t care to see anymore. It houses my Eos lip balm, mints, sunglasses, Advil and Tums, among other necessary items. It also stores things that I had, until recently, utterly forgotten, like a Phillips head screwdriver, Scotch tape and a family photo from a decade ago. As my son was rooting around looking for a straw for his Chick-Fil-A milkshake, he unearthed a Ziploc bag full of reusable masks from the COVID era. I have stashed that bag in my car for nearly five years—at least three years too long!

Those masks would surface every now and then whenever someone upset the natural habitat of the console while frantically looking for a tissue or dental floss or a plastic knife, but I just didn’t have the heart to take them out of the car. In the back of my mind, a little nagging voice would say, What if you need a mask one day and you don’t have one? How ridiculous my brain can be sometimes. As if every medical facility is not armed with a box of disposables at the check-in desk. Today was the day I finally decided enough is enough, and I freed up three cubic inches of space by removing those depressing artifacts.

Why do we desperately hold onto things we should let go, long after we know we should release them? We have a habit of intentionally forgetting things we simply don’t want to deal with in the moment. We stuff them away to gather dust just a little bit longer. What is it about the human heart that so fervently resists a bit of housecleaning? What junk am I refusing to clear out so that the Holy Spirit can more fully use me in God’s story? Titus 3:6 tells us that God pours out his Spirit on us “richly.” Abundantly. Lavishly. Generously. Shouldn’t I, therefore, absolutely overflow with His fruit? I long for my life to radiate that fruit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control—and yet, I often feel stymied, inhibited by the junk I have failed to expel from my soul. How can I be filled with the Holy Spirit and simultaneously find myself in lackluster seasons in which I do not reflect His glory?

I think Paul gives us that answer in Romans 8:13. His teaching indicates that we have a choice. “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.” We can have the Holy Spirit in us and choose not to put to death all the deeds of the body, in other words, sin. We have the choice to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit and slay the sins with which we struggle. While in these earthly bodies, we will always struggle to a degree with sin, but living in the Spirit means using the power God gifted us to tackle our sins head on. As Paul wrote to the Galatians, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desire of the flesh” (Gal. 5:16). We will not achieve perfection on this side of heaven. The Lord is not an unreasonable God; He knows we live under the curse of the sin. If he didn’t, he would not have inspired these words, “if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Gal. 6:1). Our God is one of forgiveness, grace and mercy, and He has patience when we stumble.

When I feel annoyance rising in my soul as I stare for the fiftieth time at the piles of my children’s belongings on the stairs, I can choose to walk by the flesh and bitingly rebuke my kids for their slovenliness, or I can breathe, keep in step with the Spirit and calmly but firmly remind them that their stuff will not migrate to their rooms by itself. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I can sling profanity their way that ironically only my ears can hear, or I can collect myself and pray for patience, thanking God I saw the reckless driver and was able to expertly employ my stellar defensive driving techniques! When my teenager hurtles attitude my way, I can launch it right back, or I can gently ask that moody monster, What’s going on? I love you and just want to help.

Why do I so often choose to bypass the Spirit of God and submit to my impatience, anger and harshness? Haven’t I learned by now to let it all go? Maybe this is just all a part of the sanctification process. Failing. Falling. Listening. Repenting. Allowing the Spirit to put me back on my feet. Try again. This slow process can be agonizing, but as days turn into months turn into years, I can look back and see the progress. God is faithful. His Spirit is the reason I am even aware of the junk that I need to throw out of my soul. In His kindness, He doesn’t make me oust it all at once. He gradually reveals the next step in obedience I need to take, the next hurt I need to release, the next relationship I need to mend.

When you put your trust in Him, He does the same for you, and He gives you a story to share as your soul cleaning takes place. Let’s pray for boldness like that of the early disciples to tell others about what Jesus has done in our lives. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, they unabashedly shared testimonies of transformation. When powerful men tried to silence Peter and John, they replied, “for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:20). May we have that same boldness as we walk in step with the Spirit and rejoice in the heart-change He is accomplishing!

That baggie of masks is gone!!!