treasure in my heart
Teenagers. I have two, not just one, and a third that is swiftly closing the gap of tweendom. In a year and a half, we will officially be parenting three of these enigmatic beings. How did this happen?!
I’m going to be honest with you—the season in which I find myself is grueling yet rewarding. Just this morning I was thanking God for these wildly hormonal kids that beget both tremendous joy and heart-wrenching strife. Thankfully, the joy often eclipses the hardships, and when it doesn’t, the Lord reminds me that “every good and perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17).
Teenagers. Perfect? Far from it. But they are such good gifts, and during this Advent season as I focus my heart on the birth of Jesus, I am reminded of the reality of God’s great gifts.
I fondly remember the cards I received at baby showers that were embellished with that verse from James’ letter, “every good and perfect gift is from above…” As expectant parents, we know that the babies we are soon to meet will surely not be perfect, but we have a tendency to sugarcoat what life with them will be. We know there will be sleepless nights, illnesses, and attitudes to battle, but as we prepare our hearts and homes for them, we focus on the joys that the new bundles will bring. We dream about cuddling and singing, smiles, coos and laughter. These dreams themselves are good gifts!
How I wish I had received cards that reminded me of James 1:17 as we teetered on the precipice of the teen years. The same creatures that are now awkwardly straddling the line between childhood and adulthood are still those good gifts that we once swaddled and tenderly rocked to sleep, but somewhere in the years between we began to focus less on the dreams and more on the hardships.
All too often we have a tendency to bemoan what life with them will be. Complaining about teenage children has become commonplace in our society, and I fear that we often lead each other down destructive paths when we hyper focus on the faults of our teenagers and forget that they are made in the Imago Dei. They are just as much image bearers of God as we are, and there is great joy to be found in parenting them.
As we raise these young humans to become progressively more independent of us, we will encounter difficulties. Raging hormones render our children outright irrational at times. Wringing a neck might momentarily seem like a proper response to their madness, but then we remember that we would theoretically like to have grandchildren one day! Parenting teenagers is HARD, and I am no stranger to the challenges.
Even so, the Lord sweetly reminds me that teenagers are gifts from Him. I see it in a great big bear hug from my son when I’ve had a hard day or a sidelong knowing smile from my daughter when we just get each other. I wish I could bottle up their laughter and remember every witty comment they utter. My soul is warmed by their confidence in me and the heart-to-heart talks we have late at night or on the drive to school. I especially love when I catch them laughing with one another and they refuse to tell me what they are laughing about. Wait, that’s not entirely true, let me back up. It first drives me mad when they refrain from admitting me into their little joke, but my heart quickly softens with love as I witness the growing bond between them.
When I reflect on the struggles that these years bring, I am reminded of how Mary and Joseph must have felt those millennia ago when their tween was nowhere to be found. Luke 2:41-51 records the debacle. Their traveling caravan was a day into the return trip to Nazareth after worshipping the Lord in Jerusalem. The Passover pilgrimage was one they would have taken every year, traveling in large groups for safety and camaraderie. It would not have been uncommon for a boy of Jesus’ age to be walking and playing with his friends instead of traveling immediately alongside his parents. By the time Mary and Joseph realized Jesus was missing, they had to travel an entire day just to get back to where they started. Imagine the anxiety, worry and fear that swelled in their hearts during that time.
After three long days they finally found Jesus back in Jerusalem at the Temple teaching the teachers! This is a Doogie Howser M.D. kind of moment—boy genius enlightens the establishment. We are told that his parents “were astonished.” Their fear and frustration must have been inextricably entwined with relief. Mary said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” I can hear her friends saying, You know Mary, he’s just hitting his teen years a little early. Buckle up; it’s gonna be a ride.
But this is not a regular teenager we’re talking about here. This is the best and most perfect gift ever to come from above. Jesus replies, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” They did not fully understand his response, but he traveled home with them in obedience, deepening in wisdom and stature as he grew into manhood in the years that followed, and we are told that Mary “treasured up all these things in her heart.”
I am obviously not parenting the Son of God, but when my teens’ behavior causes me distress, I too think How could you do this to me? Of course, they are not going to be able to say, Oh, mom, I was just doing God’s work, but nonetheless, the Lord does have a plan for each of them and I would do well to treasure that in my heart instead of ranting about how their shortcomings personally affect me. Now to practice what I preach—
My teenagers are brilliant, bold, loving, kind, generous, talented, funny, charismatic, and uniquely beautiful in the eyes of God, swaddled in His love and reflecting His glory to the world around. This is what I treasure as I remember the baby Jesus in the manger, the boy Jesus in the Temple, the Savior Jesus on the cross, and the risen Jesus at the Father’s right hand—God’s greatest gift to the world.
